I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
