why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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