Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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