You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
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