You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Randomize