I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
home. puking in laundry basket.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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