so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
