If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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