everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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