i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
