OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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