when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
