love makes seman taste better
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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