Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
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