If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
