Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
He uses pillows to masturbate.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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