so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
