Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
