Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
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