I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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