all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
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