She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
