The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Randomize
