Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
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