This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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