we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I looked at my own cervix.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
