Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
