The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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