There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Randomize
