I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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