What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
