if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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