Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
