Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Randomize
