those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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