It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
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