they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Randomize
