After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Randomize
