I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
