Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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