I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
