Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Randomize
