we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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