Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
im six kinds of drunk right now
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
not ubering you a puppy
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
