Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
