She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
