i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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