Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
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