After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
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