he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
