I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
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