the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
