put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
