if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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