I wish I could teleport
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
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