He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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