I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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