So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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