Don't you send me to vm
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
