I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
