her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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