We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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