She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Randomize
