my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
