is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
