exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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