we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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