What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
