These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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