She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
The Olympian is in my bed
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
