and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
