I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
