Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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