Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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