I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
