my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
