we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Your penis caused this!
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