Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
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