I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
So many bounce houses so little time
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize
