quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
