I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
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