i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Randomize