What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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