i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Randomize
