Me. At least after what I've been through.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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