But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
