are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
