So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
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