I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
