peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
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