My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
i think my mom watched the whole time
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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