i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
They took my balls.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Randomize
