The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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