well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
