Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I have fence marks all over my body
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
