Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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