I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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