i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
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