saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
