I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
