So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
