bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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