I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
