I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
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