she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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