I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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