My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
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