When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
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