she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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