No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
