Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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