So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
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