Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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